Everyday you are placed in situations, where if you make the right move, you can instantly raise your status and value among the group in a matter of seconds. None so greater then the act of offering a toast. It can apply to just about every situation and celebration, though most people pass up on the opportunity because they have nothing to say, or feel foolish talking in front of the group. But we know better, and to pass up on this chance would be passing up a great opportunity to catch the eye of that girl you’ve been checking out.
Not everyone can come up with a great toast on the spot, few people in fact can, but with a little time and prep work you will only be too ready when the time comes. I like to memorize a few generic toasts, and when I go to a special occasion such as a wedding, or birthday, I refresh myself on one or two I like. Be sure to practice a few times so you don’t flub over your words and your delivery is smooth and doesn’t feel rehearsed.
Here’s to the breezes that blow through the trees,
That blow the skirts off of young girls’ knees,
Which lead to the sights that sometimes pleases,
But more often leads to social diseases.
On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in braille.
May the winds of fortune sail you,
May you sail a gentle sea.
May it always be the other guy
who says, “this drink’s on me.”
“May you be in heaven fifteen minutes before the devil knows you are dead.”
I love to drink martinis.
Two at the very most.
Three I’m under the table.
Four I’m under the host!
There are several good reasons for drinking
and one has just entered my head.
If a man can’t drink when he’s living,
then how the hell can he drink
when he’s dead.
Here’s to the husband
and here’s to the wife.
May they be lovers
the rest of their life.
Here’s to the girl I love the best.
I’ve loved her naked, and I’ve loved her dressed.
I’ve loved her standing and I’ve loved her lying.
And if she had wings, I’d love her flying.
And when she’s dead and long forgotten,
I’ll dig her up and love her rotten.
May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.
May misfortune follow you the rest of your life,
but never catch up.
You’re not too old when your hair turns gray
You’re not too old when your teeth decay.
But you’ll know you’re awaiting that final sleep,
When your mind makes promises your body can’t keep.
Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.
May you taste the sweetest pleasures that fortune ere bestowed,
and may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.
To all the days here and after
May they be filled with fond memories, happiness, and laughter.
May your bank account always be bigger than your troubles.